CURDRIDGE vs EASTLEIGH - 17th June 2023
Curdridge returned to the holy home ground after last week’s drumming by Burridge.
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It could not get worse could it ? Well, before I write the match report, let me ask the question below.
‘What makes cricket so special ?’
It could be the sunny weather, maybe the beers after or just watching our comedy fielding. But I think it is the tea. A civilised break to enjoy some food, but most importantly it is a proper cup of tea. It's drinking that nice hot cup of English tea. Nothing can get better than that.
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So, it’s with real regret I have to inform you that our usual high standards were lacking last Saturday and it is only right that this is brought to the attention of my fellow team mates and the wider world who do read these match reports.
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The cup of tea that is usually made with such care and attention was lacking this time and the culprit has to be named. But before I get to that person, let me explain what happened.
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Punter made the tea, rising at 6am to prepare the sandwiches with love and care. All cakes were made and baked at home, so 5 hours later the tea was made.
Punter then arrived at the ground first to open up and start setting up the tea. I can assure you this is not an easy exercise. I had to set up both tables, put food in fridge, clean plates and make sure cups, sugar and milk are all available (I know it’s a lot of work)
But ensuring the water urn is filed up with fresh water and then switched on is the important job. It can then be left to heat up the water for 3 hrs and when we come in for the break, the water is nice and hot.
So, after fielding we came in for our tea. Punter asked Rob to help laying out the food and then I asked Jack to fill the tea pot with hot water (bad mistake).
Jack hands the tea pot to Punter who then starts to pour tea into cups. The home team then start to grab food and take away a beautifully prepared cup of tea. 10 minutes later Del comes up to Punter to say the tea is cold. ‘What’ is my reply, that cannot be !!!. Punter then ask Jan to fill tea pot and guess what, the water is boiling hot this time?
So, I then started a full investigation as you would rightly expect. It did not take long to realise that Jack was the culprit. Now the question was what the hell did Jack do ?. All he had to do was go into kitchen, put tea pot under the urn and let water pour into the tea pot.
What’s difficult about that? Nothing really is the answer. So, what did Jack really do. After a lengthy investigation it was concluded Jack did not boil the water using the kettle that’s in the kitchen. He did not use the hot water from the urn. So, where the hell did he get the lukewarm water. Now I’m starting to get worried. I think he just used the water from the tap.
Shock and horror !!!.
So, this is an apology to all concerned that this will never happen again. The high standards that Curdridge upholds, will be maintained in the future.
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Discipline proceeding have already started against Jack and if found guilty (I have already decided he is guilty), then severe punishment will be imposed. This can range from being sent on a training course on how to make a cup of team, see link, https://www.ukteaacademy.co.uk/advanced-tasting-skills-masterclass-in-kent/
Or the most extreme punishment which would involve Jack attending an old person’s care home, to make tea for each old person
who would have to give their approval, before we could allow Jack back in our esteemed cricket club.
In next weeks match report, I will update you on the punishment handed out and the results from it.
Apologies for having to report this severe incident, but its only proper and correct that this was brought to your attention. Any future incidents along these lines will be investigated and reported back in a prompt manner.
Oh, I remember now, we did play cricket so here comes the match report.
On yet another sunny and hot day, Curdridge entertained Eastleigh.
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Now do I need to tell you who lost the toss again. Yes, you guessed, Jules f**ked up again. Oh well, another 4 hours in the field sweating 5 pints of liquid !!!!!
Del started the bowling and was hit for a boundary on his first 3 balls. Not seen that before. But you can rely on Del to bowl a beautiful ball and he did that to get the opening batsman on 8.
Sammy joined at the other end to also get a wicket. But Eastleigh batsman were throwing their bat at anything, so runs continued but we contained them. Del and Sammy both got 2 wickets each to hold Eastleigh.
This was supported by two stunning catches by Punter on the boundary, never in doubt !!!.
Rob took his turn at bowling and got 2 wickets and new recruit Jamie, also got 2 wickets.
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Some comedy fielding with four boundaries gained with poor fielding, including Punter, Sammy, Jules and the new player Eden all letting the ball go past them with ease.
At this point the captain made his most inspired decision. Yes, he decided to not bowl himself and brought on Punter instead. Not a good start with 12 runs off first over, but Punter came back stronger after some good advice from Del on his bowling run up and the next over went for a maiden.
A plum lbw was next and yes, I had to get to the floor and pray to almighty god for some divine intervention to get the umpire (not Andy) to lift his finger.
The final wicket was got by Punter off a good catch by Bollard. Eastleigh all out for 153.
Tea followed and don’t worry I will not add any more detail on Jacks pi*s poor tea making skills.
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Curdridge opened up with Dom and the new guy whose name I keep forgetting. Very quickly the new player came back into the club house after a wild shot that was caught.
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Dom added 11 runs, before getting out to a catch again. The big score is coming Dom, keep the faith !!!.
At this point our captain strolled out knowing he had to get a big score and he did not disappoint. We needed Jules to bat sensibly and with the support of Jack (who was allowed to bat even after f**king up the tea) we started to add the runs.
Jack added 2 more runs than usual to hit the lofty highs of 29 and then Craig came in to support Jules.
Craig was not out on 19 and Jules hit a glorious 56 not out.
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A well-deserved win, with good bowling, fielding and batting. See, we can chase down the runs and win. Just needs some concentration and a bit of luck.
With plenty of beers after to celebrate, Cudridge are on a roll and it can only get better next week as Dom is the new captain. Either we as a team we voted Jules out or he’s on holiday in France.
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Next Week: Away to Titchborne
Man of the Match: Jules for his 56 not out, good batting.
Champagne Moment: Well two champagne moments, the two beautiful catches from Punter and his over celebration on relief of not dropping the ball.
Donut of the Day: Oh Jack, how can we ever forgive you?